The One Who Wants To Be With You | Thought Catalog
I love this one go read it!
The one who wants to be with you knows that falling in love with you doesn’t happen all at once and it can take years to truly get to know someone. Learning about someone is like wandering through an old mansion with many rooms; it’s always discovering that there’s another door to unlock. This person is willing to go on that journey, to be constantly surprised by how intricate and complex you are, an M.C. Escher painting in human form, and loves finding out grand staircases of new information about you, like that you consider Missy Elliott your spirit animal and want to live in Paris when you get old. But they also love how simple you are sometimes, as simple as a backrub after a long day, because they love everything about you that’s beautiful and that hurts. They’re willing to stick it out with you through the hard conversation and the rough patches — whatever it takes to lie next to you at night, they’re willing to fight for it. They will fight to love you.
vs.
The one who doesn’t want you assumes that you know all of those things and don’t need to be reminded. They forget your birthday, your anniversary and might not even know very important information about you that you expect everyone in your life to know — like your eye color. They might not even know your middle name. They haven’t taken the time to get to know you and learn the important things, like the dreams that you haven’t locked away yet and what you want to be when you finally grow up, or the less important things, like that you can’t listen to Explosions in the Sky without crying and you feel like the movie Lost in Translation was made for you. You don’t communicate or really talk at all — because they’re unwilling to open that part of themselves. They don’t see that you belong in it.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Daily thoughts - ignored, alone, deppressed
Being ignored by society/or someone you adore, or just being left out and/or feeling left out in times you really need company or alone in that matter always kills you inside. For some people like me, I tend to overthink the situation and feel so low about myself. I'd cry it out (because I am girl) but then it would hit me; here's what to do according to my own opinion:
1. Go to the mirror, look at yourself and tell yourself all the things nobody would tell you or hardly ever tells you what is good about yourself; your looks, your smartness, your wisdom, how you laugh, how you smile, the things you like about yourself and hope others would say to you (well your significant other) >>> this only apply when you are feeling down and please do it when you know you are all by yourself and nobody is listening ( so nobody thinks you are crazy)
2. Put on your favorite music and dance to it. ( If you like rock, pop, or even soul then turn it up loud, sing it and dance it out)
3.Keep calm, call your best friend. (if you are not ignored by them, if you are then call your mom.)
4. Get out, look at the sky, look at your surroundings watch other people be thankful you are still breathing and there is always tomorrow.
5. Go out and look at other people passing by; remember there are more worst case scenarios and they are feeling just as left out as you, there is still homeless people who don't know what to do in life, sick people who still make their time more valuable so you should too.
6. rent out your favorite Disney (or Star wars or whatever) movie, or book, watch/read it, cry it out. It's ok.
7. get the chocolate, ice cream and tissues eat it forget the calories and just indulge for a while (NOT all the time)
8. if you like jogging or just shopping, just do what you love most and jog it out.
9. Do activities that will make you busy, do things for others>> (help out in the homeless shelter, dog shelter, ect; killing two birds with one stone you could always count it in your community service hours as well)
10. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE. :)
1. Go to the mirror, look at yourself and tell yourself all the things nobody would tell you or hardly ever tells you what is good about yourself; your looks, your smartness, your wisdom, how you laugh, how you smile, the things you like about yourself and hope others would say to you (well your significant other) >>> this only apply when you are feeling down and please do it when you know you are all by yourself and nobody is listening ( so nobody thinks you are crazy)
2. Put on your favorite music and dance to it. ( If you like rock, pop, or even soul then turn it up loud, sing it and dance it out)
3.Keep calm, call your best friend. (if you are not ignored by them, if you are then call your mom.)
4. Get out, look at the sky, look at your surroundings watch other people be thankful you are still breathing and there is always tomorrow.
5. Go out and look at other people passing by; remember there are more worst case scenarios and they are feeling just as left out as you, there is still homeless people who don't know what to do in life, sick people who still make their time more valuable so you should too.
6. rent out your favorite Disney (or Star wars or whatever) movie, or book, watch/read it, cry it out. It's ok.
7. get the chocolate, ice cream and tissues eat it forget the calories and just indulge for a while (NOT all the time)
8. if you like jogging or just shopping, just do what you love most and jog it out.
9. Do activities that will make you busy, do things for others>> (help out in the homeless shelter, dog shelter, ect; killing two birds with one stone you could always count it in your community service hours as well)
10. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE. :)
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Goodbyes - my new favorite poem.
Live. Love. Learn. Grow.
after a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
and after a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure…
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and learn…
with every goodbye,
you learn.
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
and after a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure…
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and learn…
with every goodbye,
you learn.
- Veronica A. Shoffstall
LOVE AND LOVE
2. People always say that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you but that’s not really true. You can be loved even if you hate yourself. It’s just not going to be healthy. It’s not going to be the best kind of love.
3. Falling in love is nature’s drug and you can OD on it.
4. Emotionally OD. Not, like, actual death. Ew.
5. It’s so painful to have loved someone once and then never again. Sometimes you’ll wish it never happened just so you didn’t know how good it felt.
6. Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”
7. You will never love someone quite the same way you do the first time.
8. In most cases, this is a good thing. The first time is fucking insane.
9. It’s a beautiful moment when you realize you are someone who’s worth loving.
10. And it’s an even harder moment when you temporarily forget it.
11. Sex doesn’t always bring people closer. Sometimes it just exposes the weaknesses in the relationship.
12. That being said, a relationship can survive on good sex for a disturbing amount of time.
13. Someone you love will betray you. You can’t go through this life without it.
14. You can’t force yourself to love someone. If it’s not there, it’s not going to happen. Ever.
15. Everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone’s coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart. I guarantee it’s happened.
16. Love doesn’t always feel like brain orgasms. Sometimes it feels the best when it’s at its most subtle, like when it’s 3 p.m. on a Sunday and you’re reading a book with your feet entangled with someone else’s on the couch. You look around you for a second and realize that you’ve never felt safer. Ironically, it’s the quieter moments that will leave the most indelible mark.
17. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to rely on someone. For a lot of people, it’s their Achilles heel. Love is the reason why they made most of their mistakes.
18. At its best, love can feel better than heroin. At its worst, it can feel like heroin withdrawal.
19. I’ve never done heroin though so this is purely speculation.
20. Finding love is the unconscious motivator for a lot of the things we do. It’s why we work out, it’s why we go to a bar on a Saturday night when we really don’t want to, it’s why we agree to meet strangers off the internet.
21. Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve never been in love before. You have a ton of company.
22. When you fall in love with someone, be prepared for the possibility that you might hate them one day.
23. You will always have that one ex who will stick in your mind. They’ll feel like a perpetual dull ache in your side.
24. Love will make you into the best and worst version of yourself, often in the same night.
25. Love is the reason why we’re all here. Well, most of us anyway.
read more about this on : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-know-about-love/
25 Ways To Make Your Life Better Immediately | Thought Catalog
Feeling crappy about yourself? READ THIS!
25 Ways To Make Your Life Better Immediately | Thought Catalog
I love these:
1. Listen to “The Circle Of Life.” Seriously, it’s like a musical version of caffeine. Once that naaaaaaaaaaaa sevenyaaa hits, you’re awake, you’re refreshed, you’re alive. This song makes a great alarm if you want to wake up feeling amazing every morning – just be prepared to have the “pink pajamas, penguins on the bottom” part stuck in your head all day.
4. Give any heartfelt compliments to people who you genuinely feel deserve ‘em. Tell them your really nice, deep down opinions of them – the stuff that you’d say if they passed away — but since you can actually relay those kind words to them today, take advantage of it.
7. Do that thing you’ve always wanted to try (e.g. make a short film) but have been too scared, unconfident, self-conscious, etc. to attempt. Just decide — I’m going to give it a real shot and see how it goes.
9. Read the news. Not just where you’re at but across the rest of the globe. I promise you there’ll be multiple stories of horrific stuff that’ll make you grateful. Surely anyone with Internet access and the ability to read could have it worse.
13. Focus on now instead of lingering on the uncontrollable. The past is history and the future’s mystery. While the beginning of your story has been written in permanent ink, you’re still the author in full control of how it ends. Make an effort right this minute on a cause or person that matters to you.
15. Forgive someone you’ve been holding a grudge or anger toward. NO, it doesn’t count if you just say to yourself, “Meh, I don’t hate him/her anymore…” You’ve got to do better than that. It’s not like you have to move in with ‘em or make friendship bracelets, just send a text or Facebook message smoothing things over.
25. Love hard. Whether it’s friends, siblings, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives or children – let them know you love them. Because we’re so comfortable in their presence, we tend to treat the ones we love with less respect than we would a complete stranger. Do what you can to let those important few know they’re appreciated and most importantly, loved.
25 Ways To Make Your Life Better Immediately | Thought Catalog
I love these:
1. Listen to “The Circle Of Life.” Seriously, it’s like a musical version of caffeine. Once that naaaaaaaaaaaa sevenyaaa hits, you’re awake, you’re refreshed, you’re alive. This song makes a great alarm if you want to wake up feeling amazing every morning – just be prepared to have the “pink pajamas, penguins on the bottom” part stuck in your head all day.
4. Give any heartfelt compliments to people who you genuinely feel deserve ‘em. Tell them your really nice, deep down opinions of them – the stuff that you’d say if they passed away — but since you can actually relay those kind words to them today, take advantage of it.
7. Do that thing you’ve always wanted to try (e.g. make a short film) but have been too scared, unconfident, self-conscious, etc. to attempt. Just decide — I’m going to give it a real shot and see how it goes.
9. Read the news. Not just where you’re at but across the rest of the globe. I promise you there’ll be multiple stories of horrific stuff that’ll make you grateful. Surely anyone with Internet access and the ability to read could have it worse.
13. Focus on now instead of lingering on the uncontrollable. The past is history and the future’s mystery. While the beginning of your story has been written in permanent ink, you’re still the author in full control of how it ends. Make an effort right this minute on a cause or person that matters to you.
15. Forgive someone you’ve been holding a grudge or anger toward. NO, it doesn’t count if you just say to yourself, “Meh, I don’t hate him/her anymore…” You’ve got to do better than that. It’s not like you have to move in with ‘em or make friendship bracelets, just send a text or Facebook message smoothing things over.
25. Love hard. Whether it’s friends, siblings, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives or children – let them know you love them. Because we’re so comfortable in their presence, we tend to treat the ones we love with less respect than we would a complete stranger. Do what you can to let those important few know they’re appreciated and most importantly, loved.
10 Christmas Movies You Can Watch Online Right Now | Thought Catalog
Feeling a bit lonely and trying to have my own merry little christmas so wanted to find some movies to kill the pain. here is some.. Enjoy
10 Christmas Movies You Can Watch Online Right Now | Thought Catalog
10 Christmas Movies You Can Watch Online Right Now | Thought Catalog
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Printables obsessions
Lately because feeling so sad over not going home for Christmas my life in pinterest is filled with finding things to be printed to fill my dorm with christmas things. So here's a little something I got from pinterest from awesome Mrs and Missus that designed these things beautifully:
Merry Christmas y'all!!
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| http://lizzieroe.blogspot.com/ |
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| http://jeana-marie.blogspot.com/2011/12/have-yourself-merry-christmas-printable.html |
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| http://falalalovely.blogspot.com/2012/12/christmas-wreath-card.html |
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| http://falalalovely.blogspot.com/2012/12/christmas-subway-art.html |
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| http://falalalovely.blogspot.com/2012/12/joy-collage.html |
Monday, December 17, 2012
New York Journal - Part #4
This part of the Journal is a little messy in other words not day by day written. It was pretty much writing down whatever was in my head.
We then went to the port on the Hudson river to buy our tickets. The ferry was big with seats to fill maybe 200 people or more, the sun was going down as we hopped on the boat. The announcement from the speakers said this is the last boat that will not go to the island in other words getting on the wrong ferry. Shocked and dumbstruck, the five of us was hoping to see the freedom mark of the united states and the whole reason we came here at the first place just stood there in silence.
Our liaisons with pity on her face tried to comfort us by saying we would pass near the statue even though we couldn't go up close. yes the ferry made turns for the tourists on board to see the magnificent statue presented by the french for the liberty of the America as a country. A little history, Frédéric Bartholdi gave this statue as a gift to the united state to mark its freedom on 1876. so yeah, we tried to zoom in for a picture to the beautiful lady that gave a chance to see the country. I wished I could touch her, hoping and believing she would grant me another year here, everything was amazing about what I saw from afar.
As we got off the ferry back to Manhattan we were surprised by this giant horse with a policeman riding. it was maybe ordinary for the people of new york to see this sight but i had to capture the moment. So we asked the nice man to take pictures with us. He was glad and asked us what our purpose was; we told him we were exchange students and he gladly gave us a tour of the place.
There is a museum located in the port that had a big old book with lists of names of the first immigrants coming for every corner of the world to seeking freedom in this new country at the time. Our liaison Beth told us to look for our surnames and maybe just maybe we would find our relatives or ancestors trying to find a living in those days. We did find someone, it was my friend Mai who was from Georgia (the country) she said it would probably her great-great uncle that came to seek freedom from Russia in those days of war. We went about looking at the photos and memorabilia and trying to picture the scenes of this place in those days. Yes for these 5 exchange students it was something we wanted too, to have freedom, to live in this place as we fell in love every step of the way in this big city but it was time to go home, soon (like the lyrics to the song Fergie - Big girls don't cry).
We went down the subway waiting anxiously for the train to come, it wasn't boring; the people gave me entertainment; the tired and restless workers, the lovers, the pimps, the woman in the most fashionable state, the homeless, the ordinary, the geek it was like looking through a movie that these people exists in one spot waiting for the same train for the same reason, to go home wherever home is. If i wasn't so shy and afraid somebody tried to rob me I would probably take pictures of every person there.
We were back up on the roundabout where the big globe statue stood were streets were jammed up and cars, buses honked everywhere. Next to it, the glorious park the biggest in the world perhaps,the white carriages and horses were lining up waiting for people to take a ride. A romantic ride through the park? hell yes but not with the budget in my pocket so yeah just a picture. The night has taken place but at least the life of new york had just started as we strolled through. Cafes were opened, bars filled with people talking about their day. its as if the people had come together sharing the city was alive with people sharing their day with their loved ones. Tired from our walk my liaison Beth and her husband took us to a cafe or bar. we sat down ordered some fries and chicken wings and talked about the experience.
One of the exchange student and also a friend of mine David was from Germany, he saw people taking glasses of beer and he wanted one, he first asked for permission because we were under aged but he wasn't because the law in his country at the age of 15 you would be allowed to drink. So our liaisons looked at us and we had that curiosity on our faces so she bought us one glass to taste. It tasted amazing, it wasn't bitter like wine, but sweet and fizzy. Time was getting late for 17 year olds to wander around and it was time to sleep but we were too excited so thewhole night went with us telling stories of the past year and what was waiting for us when we went back home.
So our eyes still wide in amazement no matter how tired we are we girls still wanted to talk wanted to stay up. We all have the same thoughts; what will happen when we go back to a country? What is there to be done? What kind of planning is install for us? Well first off, my friend Mai had a boyfriend waiting for her back in Kyrgyzstan she said she would probably live together with him and find a job suitable to make a living. For a friend of mine from Georgia all she needed to do was work and take her bachelors degree. I had to go home and repeat senior year. the three of us wasn't close, i never really spoke to them when there was a gathering for the exchange students. we had our own group and i understood why couldn't blend together, we had different perspective in things, the rich kid, the poor kid, the religious kid, the atheist.
Speaking about our differences We (my friend from Germany and I) were having a discussion about evolution. He believed in the theory I did not. I knew we were never going to have a conclusion so I just told them the mere facts that if there was some kind of evolution humans from apes why would the apes still stay the same. Yes we have evolved since the dawn of time from being large broad shoulders to being small statures but again depends on the food and habitat of where we came from. for centuries research has been made to prove the existence of our evolution. We went around and around about the theory and it had to end about the existence of god. I do believe I had to make him believe and probably I did make him believe that blessings don't just come from thin air, there was always karma around the corner and the earth wouldn't make itself. well it wasn't such a good argument but that's all I had. It really depended on how we could actually interpreted it, like what Einstein would say that darkness is just the absence of light so you had to believe in something or a higher power to know that light would eventually come what about when this world ends it doesn't always depend on what the world thinks have we seen them thinking or even see the brains of the people we believed they made a difference in the world so everything we ever believed had faith in something bigger than us. Life ain't easy to predict or plan but yes we do put hope on something to make us relieved that tomorrow will be alright and according to plan. He had nothing to say when i put it that way so either I lost or he lost we would never know. I never asked him what he really thought in the matter after that but to me god does exist he always did in many forms and in many believes.
All this discussion or debate actually happened while we were taking a stroll in the biggest park the green in the middle of the skyscrapers. Central park has a lot to offer not only recreational to play around the park, but boats, drawing artist that drew Mai's face in caricature. the beautiful carriage with beautiful horses to carry you around to see this wonderful place. yes we went to the place where the fountain ends up in a flight of stairs beautifully crafted walls, where Kevin from home alone ran away from the wet bandits and also where Stuart little flew his yellow plane above the pretty fountain. Well that's all I got in my head when it comes to central park.
We then went to the port on the Hudson river to buy our tickets. The ferry was big with seats to fill maybe 200 people or more, the sun was going down as we hopped on the boat. The announcement from the speakers said this is the last boat that will not go to the island in other words getting on the wrong ferry. Shocked and dumbstruck, the five of us was hoping to see the freedom mark of the united states and the whole reason we came here at the first place just stood there in silence.
Our liaisons with pity on her face tried to comfort us by saying we would pass near the statue even though we couldn't go up close. yes the ferry made turns for the tourists on board to see the magnificent statue presented by the french for the liberty of the America as a country. A little history, Frédéric Bartholdi gave this statue as a gift to the united state to mark its freedom on 1876. so yeah, we tried to zoom in for a picture to the beautiful lady that gave a chance to see the country. I wished I could touch her, hoping and believing she would grant me another year here, everything was amazing about what I saw from afar.
As we got off the ferry back to Manhattan we were surprised by this giant horse with a policeman riding. it was maybe ordinary for the people of new york to see this sight but i had to capture the moment. So we asked the nice man to take pictures with us. He was glad and asked us what our purpose was; we told him we were exchange students and he gladly gave us a tour of the place.
There is a museum located in the port that had a big old book with lists of names of the first immigrants coming for every corner of the world to seeking freedom in this new country at the time. Our liaison Beth told us to look for our surnames and maybe just maybe we would find our relatives or ancestors trying to find a living in those days. We did find someone, it was my friend Mai who was from Georgia (the country) she said it would probably her great-great uncle that came to seek freedom from Russia in those days of war. We went about looking at the photos and memorabilia and trying to picture the scenes of this place in those days. Yes for these 5 exchange students it was something we wanted too, to have freedom, to live in this place as we fell in love every step of the way in this big city but it was time to go home, soon (like the lyrics to the song Fergie - Big girls don't cry).
We went down the subway waiting anxiously for the train to come, it wasn't boring; the people gave me entertainment; the tired and restless workers, the lovers, the pimps, the woman in the most fashionable state, the homeless, the ordinary, the geek it was like looking through a movie that these people exists in one spot waiting for the same train for the same reason, to go home wherever home is. If i wasn't so shy and afraid somebody tried to rob me I would probably take pictures of every person there.
We were back up on the roundabout where the big globe statue stood were streets were jammed up and cars, buses honked everywhere. Next to it, the glorious park the biggest in the world perhaps,the white carriages and horses were lining up waiting for people to take a ride. A romantic ride through the park? hell yes but not with the budget in my pocket so yeah just a picture. The night has taken place but at least the life of new york had just started as we strolled through. Cafes were opened, bars filled with people talking about their day. its as if the people had come together sharing the city was alive with people sharing their day with their loved ones. Tired from our walk my liaison Beth and her husband took us to a cafe or bar. we sat down ordered some fries and chicken wings and talked about the experience.
One of the exchange student and also a friend of mine David was from Germany, he saw people taking glasses of beer and he wanted one, he first asked for permission because we were under aged but he wasn't because the law in his country at the age of 15 you would be allowed to drink. So our liaisons looked at us and we had that curiosity on our faces so she bought us one glass to taste. It tasted amazing, it wasn't bitter like wine, but sweet and fizzy. Time was getting late for 17 year olds to wander around and it was time to sleep but we were too excited so thewhole night went with us telling stories of the past year and what was waiting for us when we went back home.
So our eyes still wide in amazement no matter how tired we are we girls still wanted to talk wanted to stay up. We all have the same thoughts; what will happen when we go back to a country? What is there to be done? What kind of planning is install for us? Well first off, my friend Mai had a boyfriend waiting for her back in Kyrgyzstan she said she would probably live together with him and find a job suitable to make a living. For a friend of mine from Georgia all she needed to do was work and take her bachelors degree. I had to go home and repeat senior year. the three of us wasn't close, i never really spoke to them when there was a gathering for the exchange students. we had our own group and i understood why couldn't blend together, we had different perspective in things, the rich kid, the poor kid, the religious kid, the atheist.
Speaking about our differences We (my friend from Germany and I) were having a discussion about evolution. He believed in the theory I did not. I knew we were never going to have a conclusion so I just told them the mere facts that if there was some kind of evolution humans from apes why would the apes still stay the same. Yes we have evolved since the dawn of time from being large broad shoulders to being small statures but again depends on the food and habitat of where we came from. for centuries research has been made to prove the existence of our evolution. We went around and around about the theory and it had to end about the existence of god. I do believe I had to make him believe and probably I did make him believe that blessings don't just come from thin air, there was always karma around the corner and the earth wouldn't make itself. well it wasn't such a good argument but that's all I had. It really depended on how we could actually interpreted it, like what Einstein would say that darkness is just the absence of light so you had to believe in something or a higher power to know that light would eventually come what about when this world ends it doesn't always depend on what the world thinks have we seen them thinking or even see the brains of the people we believed they made a difference in the world so everything we ever believed had faith in something bigger than us. Life ain't easy to predict or plan but yes we do put hope on something to make us relieved that tomorrow will be alright and according to plan. He had nothing to say when i put it that way so either I lost or he lost we would never know. I never asked him what he really thought in the matter after that but to me god does exist he always did in many forms and in many believes.
All this discussion or debate actually happened while we were taking a stroll in the biggest park the green in the middle of the skyscrapers. Central park has a lot to offer not only recreational to play around the park, but boats, drawing artist that drew Mai's face in caricature. the beautiful carriage with beautiful horses to carry you around to see this wonderful place. yes we went to the place where the fountain ends up in a flight of stairs beautifully crafted walls, where Kevin from home alone ran away from the wet bandits and also where Stuart little flew his yellow plane above the pretty fountain. Well that's all I got in my head when it comes to central park.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Daily thoughts - Christmas is in the air
Christmas is in the air.. and it seems the possibility to go home in next to none. I wish I could actually go home and decorate the tree, put stockings up and start those christmas shopping list.. Reminds me of the movie " I'll be home for Christmas" wishing I could just roam the road and get back home no matter the cost. But living in a country where everythings is surround by sea well to just swim seems impossible (but do-able) somehow. But a plane ticket is nowhere near my next budget, so here I am opening pinterest looking on pictures of Christmas spirit and just got teary for a bit. This I got from the simpleasthat.com and simpledesign.net/holiday-printables/ lots of free printables.
Got so homesick I had to listen to somewhat feeling of christmas spirit for my own and got this place to listen to some songs for free http://www.christmasgifts.com/free-christmas-music and midi music www.vonna.com to keep myself awake and happy at the office. Anyways searched for some Christmas playlist and here is mine go to the link to see the blog who posted.
So this is my christmas gift to you my trusted reader or readers. Have fun listening. Merry Christmas guys.
Ps. Brace yourself, more Christmas post coming up.
love
Peekz.
 |
| Courtesy of Rebecca Cooper |
Got so homesick I had to listen to somewhat feeling of christmas spirit for my own and got this place to listen to some songs for free http://www.christmasgifts.com/free-christmas-music and midi music www.vonna.com to keep myself awake and happy at the office. Anyways searched for some Christmas playlist and here is mine go to the link to see the blog who posted.
 |
| http://www.sortacrunchy.net/sortacrunchy/2012/11/christmas-playlist-2012-.html |
So this is my christmas gift to you my trusted reader or readers. Have fun listening. Merry Christmas guys.
Ps. Brace yourself, more Christmas post coming up.
love
Peekz.
Daily Thoughts, Quotes
Pinned a bits of quotes and what they mean to me:
"Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you an option." - never count on humans, don't try to impress them, it all just falls back to you being dissapointed. For the ones finding their soulmate out there somewhere, well lose em or live with em for the rest of your life.
"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - it is very true in every case, I mean we tend to love and try to trust at the same time and be disappointed. Better to love but be smart in how to love. Love does not mean you trust, that's why God gave a brain, to think.
"Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up." - a very good quote from Jesse James they said. Well I don't particularly care where it comes from, but it's a good advice. We tend to feel superior when in a place where everybody seems wrong, but it does not give us the chance to look down or insult them in our heads, no matter how mad we are. I am in that position right now. A person I trusted dissapointed me and never said an apology for doing it. I felt sometimes I can get furious just think about them. It then leads to me how all the negative things they ever did just made me more enfuriated but then this quote changed me in saying there is always a good in them somewhere. clearly I am just mad they did those things and then we would look down to every little bit of wrong they did, and I realized am I perfect myself? The question is, can I help them back up? Well I might, when my angry has left me, then i will.
"Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you an option." - never count on humans, don't try to impress them, it all just falls back to you being dissapointed. For the ones finding their soulmate out there somewhere, well lose em or live with em for the rest of your life.
"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - it is very true in every case, I mean we tend to love and try to trust at the same time and be disappointed. Better to love but be smart in how to love. Love does not mean you trust, that's why God gave a brain, to think.
"Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up." - a very good quote from Jesse James they said. Well I don't particularly care where it comes from, but it's a good advice. We tend to feel superior when in a place where everybody seems wrong, but it does not give us the chance to look down or insult them in our heads, no matter how mad we are. I am in that position right now. A person I trusted dissapointed me and never said an apology for doing it. I felt sometimes I can get furious just think about them. It then leads to me how all the negative things they ever did just made me more enfuriated but then this quote changed me in saying there is always a good in them somewhere. clearly I am just mad they did those things and then we would look down to every little bit of wrong they did, and I realized am I perfect myself? The question is, can I help them back up? Well I might, when my angry has left me, then i will.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Trenggalek Pasir Putih, Getaway
A Tropical Getaway
I went to Trenggalek for my family in God's wedding.. It is located in Jawa Timur Indonesia. Near Kabupaten Tulungagung. (Go to the link in Wikipedia of Trenggalek to know more.)
A great getaway from the hectic city of Surabaya, a small town with rice fields and sugar canes fields, also white sandy beaches.
You can get there by bus from Surabaya, paying about Rp. 25.000,- to Rp.50.000,-not in peak season that will stop in Tulungagung, then continue to get the smaller bus to Trenggalek for about Rp.15.000,-.
Trenggalek has cool weather because of the location surrounded by rock mountains and blue skies that you will not find in Surabaya. In the city you can just go around by foot because the town is small. The center of the town if you come in a day of the city's anniversary then it will be packed with cultural meetings and yummy traditional local food.
Accomodation could be found in the center of the city, hotels ranging from just Rp.60.000 per night breakfast included.
To get to the beach of Prigi or Pasir Putih again you need to rent a car to get you there. It is approximately 20 km away that gives you a scenery of a hidden beach surrounded by green mountains. You could buy some of the local fruits on the way there such as coconuts, rambutans, mango, depending on the season, don't forget to bargain as well.
The Crash - Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
“No! Lyla!” Jonah screamed, he was screaming and he realized it was bright, noisy, as if he transferred from the cold waters to a place where noisy and chatter gave through. It was the hospital room, no the emergency room, he opened his blurred eyes, looking around for her, trying to stay awake even though heavily sedated. he got the courage to get up, yet there was people pressing down on him, some was saying as if surprised “he’s alive”
Again Jonah thought, where the hell is Lyla, strapped again on the mouth an oxygen mask, he turned his head left and right looking for his dear one he couldn’t find her. Still fighting the hands around him, breathing heavily panicked, he suddenly saw the two angels in his dreams or he thought was a dream.
They were just standing there. He thought they might be waiting for the right time to take him away from this madness. Next to them was a bed with a girl, a girl he knew and loved. Lyla. She was strapped to an oxygen mask, and people surrounding her trying to resuscitate. The next thing he knew, they had her jacked up with cables everywhere. They were panicking. Letting her oxygen mask off. She didn’t make it. They gave up. The angels were looking down on her, ready to take her.
“No don’t take her, take me instead!” Jonah yelled in anger. He took her hands somehow. Her hand was cold as stone. He couldn’t take anymore and the nurses sedated him once more to keep him away from further destruction.
But this time both of them had gone somewhere peaceful. The two angels who never were named in this story was Kayla and Kayleen were talking, seemed more like a murmur. The blond Kayleen was pacing or more gliding back and forth frustrated yet graceful and content at the same time said, “How could this happen? It could’ve been a fair share!” she sounded like singing yet she was bellowing to her sister Kayla. The black winged Kayla just smiled.” I guess Father has a different way of seeing things.” She added, “and I won this bet.”
The blond white winged Kayla pouted but then had to fly around the world on earth we should say for 8 times. She was exhausted by the time she came back, with Kayleen waiting and said, “Father sent his regards, maybe next time. These two still needs to be on earth.”
Gracefully Kayla just swayed though mad bellowed, “but why?”
Kayleen answered with a smile so dark, “they still have compassion that the world lacks nowadays.”
Somewhere far from the two confusing angels who were dueling never-endingly, the two lovebirds were quietly breathing hold on to the last pieces of what the call compassion and their dear life.
The Crash - Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
I woke up realizing that there were now three people looking at me or around me in that matter. The two had wings looked so much like Ashlee and Kimmy. I called out, “Ash, Kimmy!” but they didn’t reply. They looked rather surprised when I looked at them. I wondered why. Jonah just told me to wait; he held his hand into mine.
I finally got my voice back, though croaky knowing what I’m seeing must be a dream or a nightmare. I told Jonah, “I’m thirsty” he just looked at me with those big black round eyes, a frustrated look, yet angry, it was just different than I have ever seen. He said to me, “ so am I.”
What was going on? I wondered. He looked pale, too pale in fact. Jonah’s round eyes were more wider as if dying. I had to ask, just had to, “are you dead Jonah?” Jonah just looked away. I knew the answer straight away. I was angry, the reality was too much. What I was thinking actually is real. I wasn’t delusional. It was really him, but in some other form.
“how could you just leave me?” I screamed in anger. “not now.” I paused thinking of a way to be with him. “fine, I’m coming with you!”
He looked surprised but turned away and said I couldn’t. I had to think, to risk it all, but before I could mouth my thoughts he already read it. He told me, “don’t you even dare Lyla.” He kept glaring at me but the words are not spoken. It was punctured through my mind over and over again. He was leaving me. He was just bidding his last goodbyes.
No, I had to fight back, somehow, so I won’t be alone. He promised never to leave me. I fought hard with him in my mind. I was dying anyway, the chance of my survival would only be 5%, I’ve been in the water for nearly 72 hours and counting. He softened his look and stared at me with the eyes I could never be able to win over a fight, and said, “There’s hope, even in the smallest part.” I could never live if I didn’t see those beautiful eyes, his voice, no! Never!
Jonah stroke my cheek, giving me comfort. But now for some reason I cannot feel him. As if he wasn’t there. I thought of another way. A quicker faster way to end this, I’d rather him not see me die and I see him any longer so I can somehow move on when it’s utterly impossible. No I had to make him leave, so I would find a way to die. Maybe just maybe I could replace him dying instead. Jonah hated me say hate. So I asked him for the several hundredth time, “are you going to leave me?”
He just stood there, no floated with me with pitiful sorrow. It punctured me to my bones when I said those words. “what is it then?” demanding for an answer. My heart was pounding and my lungs hurt more of the sorrow rather than from the internal bleeding of the punctured ribs. He finally said it coldly “yes.”
One thing to say is, Jonah never had the courage to lie to me. He was always true as long as I have ever knew him. But he knew me inside out; for me or any other person to say the most hurtful thing was “I hate you” to your loved one. He knew I was going to say it. He told me, “don’t you even dare to say, you hate me!” a breath just ran through my lungs and I took the courage to say it “I hate you, go away!” “you’re lying.” He said with frustration.
“I hate you, you’re going to leave me.” Catching my breath I yelled, “hate me!” and yes the two angels were looking down watching in awe or at least one of them was.
The blond-haired angel looked so pure, glistened with light just smiled that gave me more strength to fight this madness. But the black haired had a sort of grunge look, but no expression as I couldn’t read. I could over hear them talk. The blond was saying to her sister, “Help me take care of this,” with some kind of hurried expression. I didn’t exactly understand what she meant so I said nothing. The black winged just replied her graceful sister with a cold expression, not budging to the fact her sister is trying to make this event quicker somehow with some kind of magic. “This is out of our reach, its not our time to interfere,” I would hope this is over so I had agreed in my mind with the white winged angel instead of the fact the black winged angel wouldn’t do anything. She continued, “It depends on their own faith.”
The blond angel with her soft features across her face, softly and so gently just glided across the opposite side of her grunge punk sister with her so strong hard features replied, “It’s so tiring looking at humans with so much compassion yet only some have it.”
The punk angel which in my opinion really looks like the angel of death but too beautiful to be one, said to her sister with a sly smile, “Just wait and see” all this conversation went on with the two dying creatures below arguing on their own.
“please hold on Lyla. I promise to be with until the end, just like my promise to you. Just like my proposal before all this happened.”
Filled with anger, knowing I’m losing this fight to get Jonah away from either my thoughts I told him, “until the end? Until I die? No!” I screeched. That one loud scream too everything with me. My hopes, dreams, and the breathe from me. Everything became blurry, pain stricken lungs suddenly just gave in. It was time to do the plan. I had to do it, I said to myself. I rushed to hold on for one more breathe, and said to Jonah or the spirit or delusional image of Jonah, “I love you” and then I could see it. The suitcase was above me, slowing going further smaller above me and I was alone. I had no more room for more carbon dioxide in my lungs, slowly but sure my nose gave in, water slowly filled my lungs, which now mas mixed with the blood inside it. But for some reason, I felt this was going to slow, too long. I could still see and hear. It wasn’t exactly like in films where things just went fast with the drowning victim just strangled and strangled untul no more. There was no bright light, no clouds or peace.
Above me I could still see and hear Jonah screaming but couldn’t hold me, as if he was ghost all along just trying to grab me with his fading arms and then it went black.
The Crash - Chapter 1
Imagine a love so strong even the winds couldn’t tear it apart
Imagine being so love struck your heart would explode with
Every meeting, words, smiles, and touch you felt
A love that gives all the butterflies, the sweetness
Nobody could even describe
Imagining losing all that in an instant, in the time of happiness..
All I can remember was a plane crash, and a flash of light and it went black.
Awaken by the cold air and the sound of water crashing. My head was spinning, my mouth felt dry and salty. Tried to open my eyes and all I could see was things floating around me, including myself, a suitcase that I was actually on. I lost my contacts some way or another, so everything was blurry by sight. I was alone, as I think I am, but as far as my vision goes there were bodies but with no faces I could recognize.
Then it hit me. I tried to remember the last thing on my mind. “Where’s Jonah? Ash, Kim?” I tried screaming, “help!” but nothing came out, all it was a croaking sound coming out of my throat. I felt sleepy, woozy and so I drifted back to unconsciousness. A distinct voice was calling me, but I couldn’t recall who, “stay awake Lyla, please stay awake! Live!”
I knew that voice somewhere, my mind kept drifting on and my eyes tried to open trying to see in the with my poor vision it was Jonah. I tried to call back, “Jonah, Jonah!” but there was no reply. I was scared as hell, but where is he? I thought.
I called out again for Ashlee and Kimberly the twins but again no answer. I felt pain on my left side. It was numb but some hot scorching hot pain was there. I looked down; there was no wound, no blood. I think I broke my ribs. I started coughing up blood.
Being a pharmacist gives you the advantage on knowing what actually happens to the body in medical terms, yes I have a feeling my ribs has punctured my lungs. The after effects are, coughing up blood. This is not good I thought. Unless someone comes to the rescue maybe I could make it in time before my lungs are filled with my own blood. I needed rest, so I thought of drifting back to sleep just to take away the pain.
This time it was night again. I tried counting; I think I slept for maybe a whole day. This time I was completely alone, no suitcases, no parts of the crash in sight. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t, the salt water has made me dehydrated. I wanted to die right there, get this over and done with. Just let me die in peace. And it happened, Jonah was next to me, he kissed me on the tip of my head. I felt relieved, I wanted to cry on his shoulders, hold him tight, and tell him how frightened I am. I wanted to say or actually attempting to say, “What are you doing here?” and then he replied without even speaking a word through my mind, “just stay calm, you’ll be alright I promise you.” As if telepathizing with the sweet boy in front of me, I spoke with my mind, “are we dead? are you dead?” the reality just hit me, is he dead? I thought. He just smiled back.
He held my head against his chest. I wish we were home. I wished we never went to Hawaii at the first place.
In another dimension, two angels were looking down at the woman floating adrift in the cold sea water below. Without speaking or without moving her lips one of the angels, the blond sparkling white graceful babe said to her sister, the dark haired-emo-mysterious girl yet beautiful as her sister angel was floating beside her, “will we be able to take her?” her dark hair sister replied, “we shall see, her love won’t let us, at least not yet.”
Back down below, Lyla was thinking or maybe drifting in the cold deep blue sea.
I was struck down, knowing that this vacation would become a disaster, leaving my fiancée, yes my fiancée Jonah and two of my best friends in danger. I really hope somewhere they are alive. What I say and heard as Jonah has to be my own delusion, the effects of dehydration. I hope they are alive, safe, and fine, not like me. But the fear kept creeping up in my lungs, making me hard to breath, as if giving me the fact that something is terribly wrong. And then out of nowhere, Jonah is beside me again. As if I’m calling for him just to be with him. As if my inner conscience wants him here. Again I thought why is he here? He can’t die, no shouldn’t, couldn’t!
How can this happen to me? This was supposed to be a great time; it was just before we left for Hawaii that he proposed. Yes he proposed. I loved him with all my heart and of course I said yes. So many things we’ve been through together for the past 10 years. High school as arch enemies, graduated for the same university. No way is this happening. I remember meeting him for the first time as lab partners in chemistry class. We were fighting so much on how we should or how much we should dilute a solution. It all just escalated from there. The joking, the laughing about how much teachers aren’t married, He teased me about me having a dream to be a teacher and how I could end up just like my single-unmarried old teachers. Yes, I fret about that a lot. But now, well then before he went missing he took that fear away from me. I wasn’t going to live alone.
The funny thing about Jonah is, I never thought of him as my “one”. He never was my type. He was tall, thin too thin, very well dressed for a guy, I was the opposite. I never think of what clothes to wear to campus, I was short as hell, chubby all in the wrong places. We were different for a fact. He was rich, I was not. He had all the girls fall at his feet, me no boy would fall head over heels to take a glimpse at me. I was just the girl with the scholarships. Now suddenly out of nowhere he’s with me once again. I laughed to myself, I must be losing a lot of blood to be delusional.
He said to me, “will you still love me?” I answered him, “of course.”
The angels looked down at the two creatures, one dying of internal bleeding, one hardly alive or breathing but holding on to his dear one. The man was holding his dear one, looking up to the two fallen angels, he said, “you can’t take her until I say so.” The angels just hovered not intending to say a word in reply. He stroked her pale cheeks. He pleaded to the angels, “give me more time. Let her live please.”
Lyla heard everything.
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