Broken Hearts, lonely hearts...

Got this from instagram.. cucok deh for me...
1.At some point in your life, someone you love dearly is going to die. Be prepare for that day because my love, it will hurt like you’ve never been hurt before and leave you bleeding for years to come.
2. Just because you love him, it does not guarantee that he will love you back or be even remotely interested in you.
3. “I love you.” Does NOT mean “I”ll never leave you.” Neither does it mean “I love ONLY you.”
4. Some days you’ll miss him, it’s okay to let him know it but if he makes you feel embarrassed about it or if he seems indifferent about it, then baby girl I don’t care how much you miss him after that, you hold it in. You cry into a pillow on the nights that it’s too hard while wishing he would understand, but you never repeat it. I can tell you that it gets easier.
5. You should never have to fight for his attention no matter what the other option may be.
6.It will hurt when you stop talking as frequently as you used to and you will try to pull him back; Don’t. If he really wanted to talk to you, he would. I know it’s confusing and you ask yourself time after time again what you did wrong, but the answer is simple as there was nothing you could have done.
7. Addicts have kicked their drug habits in the past and so can you. I know it’s going to take a lot of sleepless nights and hurt and confusion but you can get over him.
8. It’s okay to still love him, even after all that. But my darling, stop making yourself weak. I know you will do anything for him but you have to remember your self worth.
9. If he makes you feel like another option among the other women in his life, begin to distance yourself from him. You’re NEVER just an option. You’re a choice and a damn good one.
10. I know it hurts and you feel like you’ll never love again but remember that one time when you had a crush on that one boy and eventually you got over it and started liking this boy? Yeah.
https://instagram.com/p/09Sm8eojQc/ from @Phonegram (http://is.gd/pplay)

w

the broken, the angry, the unloved

The urge to say what you wanna say 
is so high.. 
I could never think you were something of a similar kind to me. 
All broken up with the pressure
Wanting to Be free 
Wanting to be the hell you want
Wanting to just roam wherever the road 
Takes you.  

I wanna tell you hey I know your pain
Then again I realized in a second of a moment
You are too far to reach 
I have again gone beyond my standars
I have fallen again with a stranger
With you so beautiful and withered 
Needing someone to take your hands to pull you out
Yet I am in The exact same hole 

As if the universe played the same trick
Over and over again
Yet I fall back again and again
The question now is
Would you be with me, just for a moment
Just to let me know 
I've met you, known u, just to tell u are not alone
Might not be forever
But a little while
 I guess will be enough for me

Hey God, give me just this once 
A chance.. make it a while
Just so I could keep it
So I can smile
Let it end with a smile not with the same tears
I know how this ends, if you could make this story a little bit different 
I wont ask for anything more than this. . 
Please and please oh please
My heart sank with prayer
Hoping it would become of something real
Curled up in a corner watching the time go by.. 


After the second went by,
I realized, I dont have any obligations upon this feeling.. 
I can still annoy you
I can still make you smile
Without having u in my life 
Or in this matter the heart

You will always be just a thought I fell for
You are a thought.. 
You are my imagination running wild
Denying every bit of reality 
So I can keep watching right
There by your side.. 
You will always be you.. someone so far 
I dont think I will ever understand
Or ever know the truth about..
Just your reply has been my wonderful escape and joy to my world of wonders..
Let it be that way and I'll be on my way.. 
Wherever it leads me, hoping one day I will crash back into you.. 

Just a whim, just a thought, just a daydream,just a treasure, just my never-to-be..

Questions and Status update.

I think I am slowly receiving the fact that I miss him. But still trying to grip on the fact that I neither in love or neither have a crush. Just a simple admiration and not seeing the face for quiet a while. Is a week too soon to say I miss?

Overthinking - Poem

Hanging in the balance

between a dream and reality

when wishful thinking overtakes a foolish heart

when hopes began to viral the mind

with picture perfect scenarios of the life long dream

when reality does not seem so pretty

a foolish heart

a weak mind

an infected stomach

filled with beautiful winged creatures

when the balance is heavy on one side

comes crashing down on reality

which will you still hold?

the hope and a fading memory

the smile of the one lingered and lost

or will it be the harsh step forward to move and forget

_by Pica_

http://pinterest.com/pin/263249540690538039/

A little thought about the "one"

The One Who Wants To Be With You | Thought Catalog
I love this one go read it!

The one who wants to be with you knows that falling in love with you doesn’t happen all at once and it can take years to truly get to know someone. Learning about someone is like wandering through an old mansion with many rooms; it’s always discovering that there’s another door to unlock. This person is willing to go on that journey, to be constantly surprised by how intricate and complex you are, an M.C. Escher painting in human form, and loves finding out grand staircases of new information about you, like that you consider Missy Elliott your spirit animal and want to live in Paris when you get old. But they also love how simple you are sometimes, as simple as a backrub after a long day, because they love everything about you that’s beautiful and that hurts. They’re willing to stick it out with you through the hard conversation and the rough patches — whatever it takes to lie next to you at night, they’re willing to fight for it. They will fight to love you.

vs.

The one who doesn’t want you assumes that you know all of those things and don’t need to be reminded. They forget your birthday, your anniversary and might not even know very important information about you that you expect everyone in your life to know — like your eye color. They might not even know your middle name. They haven’t taken the time to get to know you and learn the important things, like the dreams that you haven’t locked away yet and what you want to be when you finally grow up, or the less important things, like that you can’t listen to Explosions in the Sky without crying and you feel like the movie Lost in Translation was made for you. You don’t communicate or really talk at all — because they’re unwilling to open that part of themselves. They don’t see that you belong in it.

LOVE AND LOVE



1. It is possible to love someone who doesn’t love you back. It’s not a full love, it doesn’t have a whole lot of depth, but it’s still there.
2. People always say that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you but that’s not really true. You can be loved even if you hate yourself. It’s just not going to be healthy. It’s not going to be the best kind of love.
3. Falling in love is nature’s drug and you can OD on it.
4. Emotionally OD. Not, like, actual death. Ew.
5. It’s so painful to have loved someone once and then never again. Sometimes you’ll wish it never happened just so you didn’t know how good it felt.
6. Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”
7. You will never love someone quite the same way you do the first time.
8. In most cases, this is a good thing. The first time is fucking insane.
9. It’s a beautiful moment when you realize you are someone who’s worth loving.
10. And it’s an even harder moment when you temporarily forget it.
11. Sex doesn’t always bring people closer. Sometimes it just exposes the weaknesses in the relationship.
12. That being said, a relationship can survive on good sex for a disturbing amount of time.
13. Someone you love will betray you. You can’t go through this life without it.
14. You can’t force yourself to love someone. If it’s not there, it’s not going to happen. Ever.
15. Everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone’s coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart. I guarantee it’s happened.
16. Love doesn’t always feel like brain orgasms. Sometimes it feels the best when it’s at its most subtle, like when it’s 3 p.m. on a Sunday and you’re reading a book with your feet entangled with someone else’s on the couch. You look around you for a second and realize that you’ve never felt safer. Ironically, it’s the quieter moments that will leave the most indelible mark.
17. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to rely on someone. For a lot of people, it’s their Achilles heel. Love is the reason why they made most of their mistakes.
18. At its best, love can feel better than heroin. At its worst, it can feel like heroin withdrawal.
19. I’ve never done heroin though so this is purely speculation.
20. Finding love is the unconscious motivator for a lot of the things we do. It’s why we work out, it’s why we go to a bar on a Saturday night when we really don’t want to, it’s why we agree to meet strangers off the internet.
21. Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve never been in love before. You have a ton of company.
22. When you fall in love with someone, be prepared for the possibility that you might hate them one day.
23. You will always have that one ex who will stick in your mind. They’ll feel like a perpetual dull ache in your side.
24. Love will make you into the best and worst version of yourself, often in the same night.
25. Love is the reason why we’re all here. Well, most of us anyway.

read more about this on : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-know-about-love/

The Crash - Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

“No! Lyla!” Jonah screamed, he was screaming and he realized it was bright, noisy, as if he transferred from the cold waters to a place where noisy and chatter gave through. It was the hospital room, no the emergency room, he opened his blurred eyes, looking around for her, trying to stay awake even though heavily sedated. he got the courage to get up, yet there was people pressing down on him, some was saying as if surprised “he’s alive”

Again Jonah thought, where the hell is Lyla, strapped again on the mouth an oxygen mask, he turned his head left and right looking for his dear one he couldn’t find her. Still fighting the hands around him, breathing heavily panicked, he suddenly saw the two angels in his dreams or he thought was a dream.

They were just standing there. He thought they might be waiting for the right time to take him away from this madness. Next to them was a bed with a girl, a girl he knew and loved. Lyla.  She was strapped to an oxygen mask, and people surrounding her trying to resuscitate. The next thing he knew, they had her jacked up with cables everywhere. They were panicking. Letting her oxygen mask off. She didn’t make it. They gave up. The angels were looking down on her, ready to take her.

“No don’t take her, take me instead!” Jonah yelled in anger. He took her hands somehow. Her hand was cold as stone. He couldn’t take anymore and the nurses sedated him once more to keep him away from further destruction.

But this time both of them had gone somewhere peaceful. The two angels who never were named in this story was Kayla and Kayleen were talking, seemed more like a murmur. The blond Kayleen was pacing or more gliding back and forth frustrated yet graceful and content at the same time said, “How could this happen? It could’ve been a fair share!” she sounded like singing yet she was bellowing to her sister Kayla. The black winged Kayla just smiled.” I guess Father has a different way of seeing things.” She added, “and I won this bet.”

The blond white winged Kayla pouted but then had to fly around the world on earth we should say for 8 times. She was exhausted by the time she came back, with Kayleen waiting and said, “Father sent his regards, maybe next time. These two still needs to be on earth.”

Gracefully Kayla just swayed though mad bellowed, “but why?”

Kayleen answered with a smile so dark, “they still have compassion that the world lacks nowadays.”

Somewhere far from the two confusing angels who were dueling never-endingly, the two lovebirds were quietly breathing hold on to the last pieces of what the call compassion and their dear life.

The Crash - Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I woke up realizing that there were now three people looking at me or around me in that matter. The two had wings looked so much like Ashlee and Kimmy. I called out, “Ash, Kimmy!” but they didn’t reply. They looked rather surprised when I looked at them. I wondered why. Jonah just told me to wait; he held his hand into mine.

I finally got my voice back, though croaky knowing what I’m seeing must be a dream or a nightmare. I told Jonah, “I’m thirsty” he just looked at me with those big black round eyes, a frustrated look, yet angry, it was just different than I have ever seen. He said to me, “ so am I.”

What was going on? I wondered. He looked pale, too pale in fact. Jonah’s round eyes were more wider as if dying. I had to ask, just had to, “are you dead Jonah?” Jonah just looked away. I knew the answer straight away. I was angry, the reality was too much. What I was thinking actually is real. I wasn’t delusional. It was really him, but in some other  form.

“how could you just leave me?” I screamed in anger. “not now.” I paused thinking of a way to be with him. “fine, I’m coming with you!”

He looked surprised but turned away and said I couldn’t. I had to think, to risk it all, but before I could mouth my thoughts he already read it. He told me, “don’t you even dare Lyla.” He kept glaring at me but the words are not spoken. It was punctured through my mind over and over again. He was leaving me. He was just bidding his last goodbyes.

No, I had to fight back, somehow, so I won’t be alone. He promised never to leave me. I fought hard with him in my mind. I was dying anyway, the chance of my survival would only be 5%, I’ve been in the water for nearly 72 hours and counting. He softened his look and stared at me with the eyes I could never be able to win over a fight, and said, “There’s hope, even in the smallest part.” I could never live if I didn’t see those beautiful eyes, his voice, no! Never!

Jonah stroke my cheek, giving me comfort.  But now for some reason I cannot feel him. As if he wasn’t there. I thought of another way. A quicker faster way to end this, I’d rather him not see me die and I see him any longer so I can somehow move on when it’s utterly impossible. No I had to make him leave, so I would find a way to die. Maybe just maybe I could replace him dying instead.  Jonah hated me say hate. So I asked him for the several hundredth time, “are you going to leave me?”

He just stood there, no floated with me with pitiful sorrow. It punctured me to my bones when I said those words. “what is it then?” demanding for an answer. My heart was pounding and my lungs hurt more of the sorrow rather than from the internal bleeding of the punctured ribs. He finally said it coldly “yes.”

One thing to say is, Jonah never had the courage to lie to me. He was always true as long as I have ever knew him. But he knew me inside out; for me or any other person to say the most hurtful thing was  “I hate you” to your loved one. He knew I was going to say it. He told me, “don’t you even dare to say, you hate me!” a breath just ran through my lungs and I took the courage to say it “I hate you, go away!” “you’re lying.” He said with frustration.

“I hate you, you’re going to leave me.”  Catching my breath I yelled, “hate me!” and yes the two angels were looking down watching in awe or at least one of them was.

The blond-haired angel looked so pure, glistened with light just smiled that gave me more strength to fight this madness. But the black haired had a sort of grunge look, but no expression as I couldn’t read. I could over hear them talk. The blond was saying to her sister, “Help me take care of this,” with some kind of hurried expression. I didn’t exactly understand what she meant so I said nothing. The black winged just replied her graceful sister with a cold expression, not budging to the fact her sister is trying to make this event quicker somehow with some kind of magic. “This is out of our reach, its not our time to interfere,” I would hope this is over so I had agreed in my mind with the white winged angel instead of the fact the black winged angel wouldn’t do anything. She continued, “It depends on their own faith.”

The blond angel with her soft features across her face, softly and so gently just glided across the opposite side of her grunge punk sister with her so strong hard features replied, “It’s so tiring looking at humans with so much compassion yet only some have it.”

The punk angel which in my opinion really looks like the angel of death but too beautiful to be one, said to her sister with a sly smile, “Just wait and see” all this conversation went on with the two dying creatures below arguing on their own.

“please hold on Lyla. I promise to be with until the end, just like my promise to you. Just like my proposal before all this happened.”

Filled with anger, knowing I’m losing this fight to get Jonah away from either my thoughts I told him, “until the end? Until I die? No!” I screeched. That one loud scream too everything with me. My hopes, dreams, and the breathe from me. Everything became blurry, pain stricken lungs suddenly just gave in. It was time to do the plan. I had to do it, I said to myself. I rushed to hold on for one more breathe, and said to Jonah or the spirit or delusional image of Jonah, “I love you” and then I could see it. The suitcase was above me, slowing going further smaller above me and I was alone. I had no more room for more carbon dioxide in my lungs, slowly but sure my nose gave in, water slowly filled my lungs, which now mas mixed with the blood inside it.  But for some reason, I felt this was going to slow, too long. I could still see and hear. It wasn’t exactly like in films where things just went fast with the drowning victim just strangled and strangled untul no more. There was no bright light, no clouds or peace.

Above me I could still see and hear Jonah screaming but couldn’t hold me, as if he was ghost all along just trying to grab me with his fading arms and then it went black.