Broken Hearts, lonely hearts...

Got this from instagram.. cucok deh for me...
1.At some point in your life, someone you love dearly is going to die. Be prepare for that day because my love, it will hurt like you’ve never been hurt before and leave you bleeding for years to come.
2. Just because you love him, it does not guarantee that he will love you back or be even remotely interested in you.
3. “I love you.” Does NOT mean “I”ll never leave you.” Neither does it mean “I love ONLY you.”
4. Some days you’ll miss him, it’s okay to let him know it but if he makes you feel embarrassed about it or if he seems indifferent about it, then baby girl I don’t care how much you miss him after that, you hold it in. You cry into a pillow on the nights that it’s too hard while wishing he would understand, but you never repeat it. I can tell you that it gets easier.
5. You should never have to fight for his attention no matter what the other option may be.
6.It will hurt when you stop talking as frequently as you used to and you will try to pull him back; Don’t. If he really wanted to talk to you, he would. I know it’s confusing and you ask yourself time after time again what you did wrong, but the answer is simple as there was nothing you could have done.
7. Addicts have kicked their drug habits in the past and so can you. I know it’s going to take a lot of sleepless nights and hurt and confusion but you can get over him.
8. It’s okay to still love him, even after all that. But my darling, stop making yourself weak. I know you will do anything for him but you have to remember your self worth.
9. If he makes you feel like another option among the other women in his life, begin to distance yourself from him. You’re NEVER just an option. You’re a choice and a damn good one.
10. I know it hurts and you feel like you’ll never love again but remember that one time when you had a crush on that one boy and eventually you got over it and started liking this boy? Yeah.
https://instagram.com/p/09Sm8eojQc/ from @Phonegram (http://is.gd/pplay)

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the broken, the angry, the unloved

The urge to say what you wanna say 
is so high.. 
I could never think you were something of a similar kind to me. 
All broken up with the pressure
Wanting to Be free 
Wanting to be the hell you want
Wanting to just roam wherever the road 
Takes you.  

I wanna tell you hey I know your pain
Then again I realized in a second of a moment
You are too far to reach 
I have again gone beyond my standars
I have fallen again with a stranger
With you so beautiful and withered 
Needing someone to take your hands to pull you out
Yet I am in The exact same hole 

As if the universe played the same trick
Over and over again
Yet I fall back again and again
The question now is
Would you be with me, just for a moment
Just to let me know 
I've met you, known u, just to tell u are not alone
Might not be forever
But a little while
 I guess will be enough for me

Hey God, give me just this once 
A chance.. make it a while
Just so I could keep it
So I can smile
Let it end with a smile not with the same tears
I know how this ends, if you could make this story a little bit different 
I wont ask for anything more than this. . 
Please and please oh please
My heart sank with prayer
Hoping it would become of something real
Curled up in a corner watching the time go by.. 


After the second went by,
I realized, I dont have any obligations upon this feeling.. 
I can still annoy you
I can still make you smile
Without having u in my life 
Or in this matter the heart

You will always be just a thought I fell for
You are a thought.. 
You are my imagination running wild
Denying every bit of reality 
So I can keep watching right
There by your side.. 
You will always be you.. someone so far 
I dont think I will ever understand
Or ever know the truth about..
Just your reply has been my wonderful escape and joy to my world of wonders..
Let it be that way and I'll be on my way.. 
Wherever it leads me, hoping one day I will crash back into you.. 

Just a whim, just a thought, just a daydream,just a treasure, just my never-to-be..

Questions and Status update.

I think I am slowly receiving the fact that I miss him. But still trying to grip on the fact that I neither in love or neither have a crush. Just a simple admiration and not seeing the face for quiet a while. Is a week too soon to say I miss?

Overthinking - Poem

Hanging in the balance

between a dream and reality

when wishful thinking overtakes a foolish heart

when hopes began to viral the mind

with picture perfect scenarios of the life long dream

when reality does not seem so pretty

a foolish heart

a weak mind

an infected stomach

filled with beautiful winged creatures

when the balance is heavy on one side

comes crashing down on reality

which will you still hold?

the hope and a fading memory

the smile of the one lingered and lost

or will it be the harsh step forward to move and forget

_by Pica_

http://pinterest.com/pin/263249540690538039/

Goodbyes - my new favorite poem.

Live. Love. Learn. Grow. 

after a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
and after a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
and you learn that you really can endure…
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and learn…
with every goodbye,
you learn.

- Veronica A. Shoffstall

LOVE AND LOVE



1. It is possible to love someone who doesn’t love you back. It’s not a full love, it doesn’t have a whole lot of depth, but it’s still there.
2. People always say that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you but that’s not really true. You can be loved even if you hate yourself. It’s just not going to be healthy. It’s not going to be the best kind of love.
3. Falling in love is nature’s drug and you can OD on it.
4. Emotionally OD. Not, like, actual death. Ew.
5. It’s so painful to have loved someone once and then never again. Sometimes you’ll wish it never happened just so you didn’t know how good it felt.
6. Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”
7. You will never love someone quite the same way you do the first time.
8. In most cases, this is a good thing. The first time is fucking insane.
9. It’s a beautiful moment when you realize you are someone who’s worth loving.
10. And it’s an even harder moment when you temporarily forget it.
11. Sex doesn’t always bring people closer. Sometimes it just exposes the weaknesses in the relationship.
12. That being said, a relationship can survive on good sex for a disturbing amount of time.
13. Someone you love will betray you. You can’t go through this life without it.
14. You can’t force yourself to love someone. If it’s not there, it’s not going to happen. Ever.
15. Everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone’s coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart. I guarantee it’s happened.
16. Love doesn’t always feel like brain orgasms. Sometimes it feels the best when it’s at its most subtle, like when it’s 3 p.m. on a Sunday and you’re reading a book with your feet entangled with someone else’s on the couch. You look around you for a second and realize that you’ve never felt safer. Ironically, it’s the quieter moments that will leave the most indelible mark.
17. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to rely on someone. For a lot of people, it’s their Achilles heel. Love is the reason why they made most of their mistakes.
18. At its best, love can feel better than heroin. At its worst, it can feel like heroin withdrawal.
19. I’ve never done heroin though so this is purely speculation.
20. Finding love is the unconscious motivator for a lot of the things we do. It’s why we work out, it’s why we go to a bar on a Saturday night when we really don’t want to, it’s why we agree to meet strangers off the internet.
21. Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve never been in love before. You have a ton of company.
22. When you fall in love with someone, be prepared for the possibility that you might hate them one day.
23. You will always have that one ex who will stick in your mind. They’ll feel like a perpetual dull ache in your side.
24. Love will make you into the best and worst version of yourself, often in the same night.
25. Love is the reason why we’re all here. Well, most of us anyway.

read more about this on : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-know-about-love/

10 Christmas Movies You Can Watch Online Right Now | Thought Catalog

Feeling a bit lonely and trying to have my own merry little christmas so wanted to find some movies to kill the pain. here is some.. Enjoy
10 Christmas Movies You Can Watch Online Right Now | Thought Catalog

Daily Thoughts, Quotes

Pinned a bits of quotes and what they mean to me:

"Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you an option." - never count on humans, don't try to impress them, it all just falls back to you being dissapointed. For the ones finding their soulmate out there somewhere, well lose em or live with em for the rest of your life.

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - it is very true in every case, I mean we tend to love and try to trust at the same time and be disappointed. Better to love but be smart in how to love. Love does not mean you trust, that's why God gave a brain, to think.

"Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up." - a very good quote from Jesse James they said. Well I don't particularly care where it comes from, but it's a good advice. We tend to feel superior when in a place where everybody seems wrong, but it does not give us the chance to look down or insult them in our heads, no matter how mad we are. I am in that position right now. A person I trusted dissapointed me and never said an apology for doing it. I felt sometimes I can get furious just think about them. It then leads to me how all the negative things they ever did just made me more enfuriated but then this quote changed me in saying there is always a good in them somewhere. clearly I am just mad they did those things and then we would look down to every little bit of wrong they did, and I realized am I perfect myself? The question is, can I help them back up? Well I might, when my angry has left me, then i will.

New York Journal Part 3 - Home Alone, Apartments and WTC

 I think I might have mixed up my days so I wrote this according to the places even though it wasn't on the same day this events happened. Please comment if there is mis-types or wrong defenitions. I wasn't pretty sure anyways but I wrote it down. So here it is.

        4th avenue like a dream, i wouldn't even dare peek and look at those clothes displayed on the windows of those  high classed branded shops, guess, luois vuitton and such. It feels like touching gold. The designs around the avenues were incredible, I love the "love" statues settled on the streets; the thinker in the middle of the fountains. So many workers busy  with their busy schedules and smart phones. I wish I could work here one day.

         So my group headed for the Rockefeller building, another dream coming true for a true home alone lost in new York fan, I made them go see. (There's a particular reason for that, all my kid life I have been exposed with awesome movies and the one that was popular in those days and it was Home Alone. Dad would record some movies on the tape for us to watch including Home Alone, Baby's day out, Dunston and such enough and appropriate for kids to watch. But my all time favorite was Home Alone (you would even catch my siblings and mouth every scene as we know it by heart). )My favorite was and is till today is the scene where kevin was lost and praying to the big christmas tree asking for him to get back home and regretting all the decisions he made and finally meeting his mom right in the middle of the iced angels. I wish  it was christmas, i totally wanted to see the big christmas tree and the pond filled with ice and angels dancing.

I got my wish but it was June, the wind was warm and i was in a tee. Taking pictures here and there, at the statue of Rockeffeler and the beautiful angels, it was purely a wish that came true I sat taking every moment in to remember what happened so I could tell this and make my siblings jealous, that I could go and see it in person, to feel what it was like "lost in NY".

         Night was getting to us soon but not the craving to keep walking around this big city and see everything in it.  My liasson had the group split in girls and guys, because we had to stay in different apartments and hotel. So we went to an apartment of a friend of my liasson, and it was filled with art exhibition along the hallway, more like an art studio (a little description: it was like apartment in movies; with brick walls unpainted, dim lighting, empty. wooden floor) with bed bunked in corners of the room, unfinished paintings (as I recall the guy is a professor in one of the universities there) and a kitchen bar on the left, with windows across it outlooking the pavements below, straight to the heart of the city where people walking, bistroes, cafes, and shops just barely full with customers.

         The girls (including myself) wanted so much to be in this apartment but the owner was a man. so we had to stay in a motel that was hidden for the wondering eye to see. it was much like a mini apartment but built for tourists like myself.  There were local and foreign tourist walking about in that small apartment. I loved (the view of) my windows, i got the one looking out the alleys of New York. it was not as creepy as i thought it would be, it was bright and neatly placed. There was even a garden behind of the buildings, a basketball court was there too. 

 It didn't feel like New York at all. A regulation from the mayor to make all alleys safe was made and one way was to make a house in the middle of the city, that peered through skyscrapers; a mini neighbourhood in the alley. I even saw  some kids still out (it was at least 9 o'clock at the time) and sitting by their porch talking the hours away. so no more gangsters and robbers in the alleys of New York it was peace. really cool idea for Jakarta i would say. (you probably have guessed where I come from now)

           The next morning was hot, we woke up a tad bit too late to go and catch the ferry to staten island. so we moved the plan down to the afternoon. We walked from the apartment down to the subway to get to the monuments of the world trade centre which was at Downtown manhattan (as I recall, correct me if I am wrong). We  passed the cathedral just two blocks away as we got out of the subway from the monument or was the World Trade Centre.

             The Cathedral stood tall but its former color wasn't there anymore, it was filled with black back  from back on the D-day (well a part of it). if you could recall the day of the disaster struck NY, where terrorists as they claimed to be muslims crashed three airplanes unto the two former tallest buildings in the world. Walking passed it already gave me a story of what happened here 5 years ago. We walked passed the hilton hotel, i still wonder though was it there when the accident happened? Standing, watching as the two buildings collapsed with bodies around them? Not trying to sound freaky but the aura as i would say was filled with memories of pain as I walked and watched where the two towers used to stand with fences and a gigantic hole, i think was the basement filled with roses and posters of grieve from families of lost loved ones. The eiry feeling (because everyone there was either weeping quietly or was in silence and so were we) crept but also the feeling of sadness. You could still feel like you were there when it happened the screams the cries of lost ones, the ambulance and the firetrucks trying to get a hold of the situation. Yes it felt real. as if the spirits of the lost ones are still trying to get justice as if God trying to give some kind of justice a part of the steel henges was left there forming a cross as if telling us there is still hope somewhere.

           We walked a bit more to go see the monument of the WTC, a giant golden or maybe bronze ball in front a kind of torch with fire burning says " for the spirit of the lost loved ones"( I don't think it literally said that but close). That's was all it said and the six of us walked in silence since we walked past the cathedral. It was quite amazing for us these foreigns to feel the loss of people we didn't know and fall in utter silence as we walked through the park maybe lost in thought.

         We got into the center of the park and there were street performers, stunt people actually. They were dressed in reds consisting of 7 people; 2 women and others all men. They had the boombox filling the place with music.They were tourists or travelers when they introduced themselves spread across the globe, some from france, brazil, Japan and also from the states as well that joined in a group maybe to raise money for them to travel. they didnt feel out of place, yes this was the city of dreams, people and things  (they introduced themselves this is why I knew where they came from) becoming one. It was the tourist destination for every person to come. the stunt the performers were a mere jumping over 5 people bent over, the brazilian man did a capoeira dance before starting to jump. He made it in all the 3 tries taking all the people watching’s breath away. Not far from the performance was springs that comes out the ground, I saw little boys running back and forth trying not to get wet, i couldn't resist not to take a picture and it was pretty yet blurry because of the lack of me being an amature photographer at that age. But the happiness of those kids took away the eiry feeling from today and made it somehow nice to be thankful for what is still breathing and alive today.

Dedicated to the victims and family of the 911 incident, be strong.

Peekz

Thoughts. Stories. Life.: Belief 101

I found this really awesome blog that has been motivational for me so you might want to take a look, I especially love the part about the vision board, and I will be making mine shortly, I will post the pictures when it is done:
Thoughts. Stories. Life.: Belief 101: Believe Teach yourself to really truly BELIEVE . Belief 101: Put up your Vision Board (representing the EXPERIENCES you want to h...